Dear Self, I’m Not Giving Up On You, Never

Yesterday, I was walking on a park and I saw this lady sitting in the corner under the tree, she was crying but she was trying to hide it so no one would notice, then suddenly I remember, that was also me 8months ago, same park, same chair, it was those moments I am still trying to forget.

It was just last year, the decade ended with me losing almost everything.

Last year, I lost my mom, I lost my dream, I lost my savings, I lost my investments, I almost lose my job, and I almost lose myself.

My life will never be the same, I know I will never be the same.

I was drunk, sad, lonely and hopeless 7x a week for 6 months, it was my darkest moment, I thought it was the end. I was trying to survive, day after day, after day. I’ve had no one, my dad was trying to recover from losing his wife, my friends are busy living their own, everyone was so busy walking on a fast pace and there I was, just standing watching the world passing me by, and I thought to myself, is this it?

Those moments, I can’t even remember when was the last time I felt happy, I don’t even remember what happiness felt like, and I don’t even remember someone listened like really listened, I was alone, I know at that moment I was drowning myself into depression. I had never even imagined getting up in the morning after 8–10hrs of sleep would be that hard, I had never imagined getting myself to shower would be that hard, I hardly even eat, I gave up in life, almost.

But I kept going, one day I was talking to myself as if I was talking to a friend who needed a help, “Take it day after day without thinking too much about the future, without remembering too much about what happened, and just take the day as it is, just eat and work and sleep, then you can call it a day, trust me, it’s more than enough. Just keep walking.”

Just take it one step at a time, one day at a time

Everything will be okay, take all the time you want, cry all you want, don’t worry about everything else, just recover, and be ok with doing nothing other than surviving, give it few more months, get mad, get angry to the world, release it, release all the pressure, cry it all out, scream if you have to, talk to someone, everything you are feeling is alright, you just have to release them, you can go travel to the mountains or beach, do all the mellow drama, take your time, it’s the only way to heal.

One day you’ll wake up realizing that life has its way of teaching us the greatest lessons, lessons that will mold us into becoming better, kinder and good human beings. Life is too short, we should learn how to care, we should be more sensitive and help one another, we don’t have any idea what a person is going through, just a simple smile could mean too much for them, seeing the lady at the park reminded me not about what I had lost, but on what I have survived, I didn’t feel the pain of losing any more, I felt proud of where I am now if only I had the guts to talk to the young lady, I could have told her that 6–7 months or a year from now everything will be different, you just have to hang on a little longer, don’t give up on yourself no matter the circumstances, it will all be ok.

You have your friends, don’t take all the pills, reach out.

You have your friends, you just need to reach out, they are just waiting for you to talk to them you may not see them but you feel them, they are just patiently waiting until you are ready they will be there, you are just thinking too much, you are not alone, you have friends, call them.

In moments where the world is humbling you, never forget the people who were there when no one else was, never forget those who constantly and genuinely listen to your drama, even more to those who understand even when you didn’t say a word. The people that will defend you, that will stay with you through thick and thin, who will stay in your side and who won’t live in happiness and sadness, they are rare, they are worth keeping, never forget them, they are your people, I truly wish I had mine, it probably wouldn’t be that hard to take it all, if you find them, if you have them, never let them go.

Your lowest point is where you’ll see life at its simplest form, probably it’s just nature’s way of balancing the equation when you are taking all the lessons, you probably think that life is against you when the truth is, life is just teaching you and giving you the fire, the burning desire, the force that will fuel you to build a better future, we misunderstood rejections instead of seeing it as a redirection, we see failures instead of lessons, we see isolation and loneliness instead of seeing it as an opportunity to create our craft our legacy, we see broken relationships instead of seeing how the world is saving us and redirecting us into someone better for us.

We just have to see it a little different from what we thought they are when we change the way how we look at things, the things we look at change. We are only limited to what we know, in moments of our confusion and doubts, it’s probably best to seek different perspectives to understand things as they are and not things as we thought they are.

Everything happens for a reason

Make it your strength, your fire, your desire to persevere, make it your strength, make it your power to overcome whatever comes, nothing in the world could break you because you have already been there, you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain, you have become unstoppable, you might as well take all the rewards.

You are stronger than you think, you are more capable than you think, don’t give in, don’t give up on yourself no matter what, just don’t.

Software/Mobile Developer

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